Fuck...

So today I fucked up...first Alma is mad...and I'm sure she is not into mr now. I knew it...i don't know why I convinced myself that she could accualy likee...I'm so heart broken cause I realy liked her...but she is not into me...I don't get it she seems like she did like me but I guess she is just nice or something...fuck I can't believe I have to move on...we did not even go out once...we only talk for like a mounth but that is it...why did I let her inside my heart it fucking hurts to let her go...I'll get over it but wow I liked her...she is the first one that I truelly liked...worst part is I don't know realy why she stopped talking to me...

On Thursday I made a joke about her bank being robbed...she fliped out and said not cool...I said sorry but she never answered...later on that day she txted me ttyl...and no did not...then on friday after trying to talk to her after like 4 hours of trying I asked if we were still going out on Saturday...she txted back saying I did not know...sorry I forgot...what the fuck Alma really...that hurt so much...I don't know if she really forgot or if she was just saying that...but either way there is no way she is into me...if she wanted to go out she would not forget...i feel like a fucking idiot for thinking she liked me...

Wow...I don't get it...plus today reading phillipians 4:10-13 Paul says to be content in any sittuation...God I liked her and I asked for a chance with her and I had it and I think I messed up...why?...God you know my heart and you know what I want and I Dont understand why I never get what I want...only what I need...so God you know I need a girl in my life...help me I don't understand what you have for me...I asked you for to natrully happen without me expecting it and she came natruelly and Before I even asked she had said yes to going out with...I did not even ask for her number...and I now in the past the problem I had was that I always look at physical but with Alma I did not even care about that I was just happy with her soul...I liked her regardless of anything of her... She seemed like something you sent and it felt like it...I even started talking to you again God cause I did not want to mess it up...but at this moment she is gone...why God? Why? I love you God and I know you know that...but today I feel down...God if it's her I need a sign...please God...if it's her let her call me tomorrow...if it's not her give me the strenght to move passed her...

I hate this feeling of not know what is to come...but my trust is that God will show me the way...