"...Cause I'm a man not a boy and there are things
You can't avoid you have to face them when you're not prepared
To face them -
If I could I would but you're with him now it'd do no good
I should have fought him but instead I let him - I let
Him take it -..." -Flaming Lips
yup that basicly says it all...I can fight for her but it's not worth it she is with someone else...God thanks for talking to me clearly...wow that was almost scary I mean last night I prayed to time and both times with in seconds God answered me...I'm still heart broken but I will get over it...and there is still a lot of questions without answers but WTF the sun will come up tomorrow and hopefully it will bring answers...
Stupid robots I hate thee...lol...
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Fuck...
So today I fucked up...first Alma is mad...and I'm sure she is not into mr now. I knew it...i don't know why I convinced myself that she could accualy likee...I'm so heart broken cause I realy liked her...but she is not into me...I don't get it she seems like she did like me but I guess she is just nice or something...fuck I can't believe I have to move on...we did not even go out once...we only talk for like a mounth but that is it...why did I let her inside my heart it fucking hurts to let her go...I'll get over it but wow I liked her...she is the first one that I truelly liked...worst part is I don't know realy why she stopped talking to me...
On Thursday I made a joke about her bank being robbed...she fliped out and said not cool...I said sorry but she never answered...later on that day she txted me ttyl...and no did not...then on friday after trying to talk to her after like 4 hours of trying I asked if we were still going out on Saturday...she txted back saying I did not know...sorry I forgot...what the fuck Alma really...that hurt so much...I don't know if she really forgot or if she was just saying that...but either way there is no way she is into me...if she wanted to go out she would not forget...i feel like a fucking idiot for thinking she liked me...
Wow...I don't get it...plus today reading phillipians 4:10-13 Paul says to be content in any sittuation...God I liked her and I asked for a chance with her and I had it and I think I messed up...why?...God you know my heart and you know what I want and I Dont understand why I never get what I want...only what I need...so God you know I need a girl in my life...help me I don't understand what you have for me...I asked you for to natrully happen without me expecting it and she came natruelly and Before I even asked she had said yes to going out with...I did not even ask for her number...and I now in the past the problem I had was that I always look at physical but with Alma I did not even care about that I was just happy with her soul...I liked her regardless of anything of her... She seemed like something you sent and it felt like it...I even started talking to you again God cause I did not want to mess it up...but at this moment she is gone...why God? Why? I love you God and I know you know that...but today I feel down...God if it's her I need a sign...please God...if it's her let her call me tomorrow...if it's not her give me the strenght to move passed her...
I hate this feeling of not know what is to come...but my trust is that God will show me the way...
On Thursday I made a joke about her bank being robbed...she fliped out and said not cool...I said sorry but she never answered...later on that day she txted me ttyl...and no did not...then on friday after trying to talk to her after like 4 hours of trying I asked if we were still going out on Saturday...she txted back saying I did not know...sorry I forgot...what the fuck Alma really...that hurt so much...I don't know if she really forgot or if she was just saying that...but either way there is no way she is into me...if she wanted to go out she would not forget...i feel like a fucking idiot for thinking she liked me...
Wow...I don't get it...plus today reading phillipians 4:10-13 Paul says to be content in any sittuation...God I liked her and I asked for a chance with her and I had it and I think I messed up...why?...God you know my heart and you know what I want and I Dont understand why I never get what I want...only what I need...so God you know I need a girl in my life...help me I don't understand what you have for me...I asked you for to natrully happen without me expecting it and she came natruelly and Before I even asked she had said yes to going out with...I did not even ask for her number...and I now in the past the problem I had was that I always look at physical but with Alma I did not even care about that I was just happy with her soul...I liked her regardless of anything of her... She seemed like something you sent and it felt like it...I even started talking to you again God cause I did not want to mess it up...but at this moment she is gone...why God? Why? I love you God and I know you know that...but today I feel down...God if it's her I need a sign...please God...if it's her let her call me tomorrow...if it's not her give me the strenght to move passed her...
I hate this feeling of not know what is to come...but my trust is that God will show me the way...
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Shadows...
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
"Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air..." stupid Florence and the machine...been stuck in my head for the weekend...
I'm going to talk about shadows...I guess...cause that's what the title says...
really I'm just board at church...I'm using the power-point comp...ha...I might go to hell...
"Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air..." there it goes again...
I like that one girl...she looks pretty hot today...
"Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air..." stupid Florence and the machine...been stuck in my head for the weekend...
I'm going to talk about shadows...I guess...cause that's what the title says...
really I'm just board at church...I'm using the power-point comp...ha...I might go to hell...
"Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air..." there it goes again...
I like that one girl...she looks pretty hot today...
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Saturday
Hey
I fudged up...
yup...yup...yup...
today I feel bad...maybe cause I haven't sleep or eaten in two days...or I'm just heart broken...
"...Amazing! God is with you!...There is no other God—none..."-Isaiah 45:14
I hate the days when I know God is with me but I just can't feel it...cause I'm focused too much on me and the problems I face...I'm too afraid of the future and what it might bring...I start thinking if I will ever find a better Job and finally finish school...I freak out when I feel stuck in a spot i can't pass...its funny cause I went to school for only two years and four years later I'm still working only to payoff the stupid student loans...I don't have a car so i have to ask for rides...on top of that I have a lot of friends some that are very close but for some reason I can't trust anyone to tell them how I really feel...
Today I just wish I can feel peace in my mind...and in my heart...
God, I thank you for life and all the pain you allow us to feel...It suck it really does...but You are and cause you are I am and I am cause you are my God...I pray God that you may give peace to the people around me...my family my friends the people I work with and even the people I don't like...God keep me in your mind and when my life is done allow me to rest in you at peace...
Today I feel sick of life...but I'm alive...so I must enjoy it and live...
till next time robot...
I hope Alma is not reading this...
I fudged up...
yup...yup...yup...
today I feel bad...maybe cause I haven't sleep or eaten in two days...or I'm just heart broken...
"...Amazing! God is with you!...There is no other God—none..."-Isaiah 45:14
I hate the days when I know God is with me but I just can't feel it...cause I'm focused too much on me and the problems I face...I'm too afraid of the future and what it might bring...I start thinking if I will ever find a better Job and finally finish school...I freak out when I feel stuck in a spot i can't pass...its funny cause I went to school for only two years and four years later I'm still working only to payoff the stupid student loans...I don't have a car so i have to ask for rides...on top of that I have a lot of friends some that are very close but for some reason I can't trust anyone to tell them how I really feel...
Today I just wish I can feel peace in my mind...and in my heart...
God, I thank you for life and all the pain you allow us to feel...It suck it really does...but You are and cause you are I am and I am cause you are my God...I pray God that you may give peace to the people around me...my family my friends the people I work with and even the people I don't like...God keep me in your mind and when my life is done allow me to rest in you at peace...
Today I feel sick of life...but I'm alive...so I must enjoy it and live...
till next time robot...
I hope Alma is not reading this...
Friday, March 12, 2010
Bad Friday
hey...
its Friday and I'm hella tired...I can't figure out Life...My dad woke me up at 6am and asked me to help him out with some things...then I went over to Steve's house and practiced for Sunday...i just got home its 530 pm and I have to work from 630 pm to 12 am tonight...yeah its fun...
I can go for some coffee...
OK I hate it when you like someone but you don't know if they like you...you talk but you don't know what that means...plus I hate that I like my friends sister cause when I go over to his place I want to talk to her but I'm there to hang out with him...yeah...sucks balls...I need to grow a pair and just start talking to her more...f**k...i don't what to do...I hope I don't screw it up...oh shit I hope she is not reading this...dang i gave her the address...hopefully she only read that one blog I talked to her about...
f$%k...worst part is she is hella in my mind at all times...she is not even that cute...yeah right i hella like her...
^^^^...a^^^...^^^^...mostlikely she does not even like so whatever....
its Friday and I'm hella tired...I can't figure out Life...My dad woke me up at 6am and asked me to help him out with some things...then I went over to Steve's house and practiced for Sunday...i just got home its 530 pm and I have to work from 630 pm to 12 am tonight...yeah its fun...
I can go for some coffee...
OK I hate it when you like someone but you don't know if they like you...you talk but you don't know what that means...plus I hate that I like my friends sister cause when I go over to his place I want to talk to her but I'm there to hang out with him...yeah...sucks balls...I need to grow a pair and just start talking to her more...f**k...i don't what to do...I hope I don't screw it up...oh shit I hope she is not reading this...dang i gave her the address...hopefully she only read that one blog I talked to her about...
f$%k...worst part is she is hella in my mind at all times...she is not even that cute...yeah right i hella like her...
^^^^...a^^^...^^^^...mostlikely she does not even like so whatever....
Thursday, March 11, 2010
she is alittle piolt in my mind...
what it be blog...
I ereased hella blogs cause I did not want to read them anymore...
I left the first one up...
...
So I've had this song stuck in my head for like a week now
its "songbird" by oasis
"...three, four
Talkin to the songbird yesterday
Flew me to a place not far away
She's a little pilot in my mind
Singin songs of love to pass the time
Gonna write a song so she can see
Give her all the love she gives to me
Talk of better days that have yet to come
Never felt this love from anyone
She's not anyone
She's not anyone
She's not anyone
A man can never dream these kind of things
Especially when she came and spread her wings
Whisper in my ear the things I'd like
Then she flew away into the night
Gonna write a song so she can see
Give her all the love she gives to me
Talk of better days that have yet to come
Never felt this love from anyone..."
So I kinda like girl but it's funny I don't know if she likes me...I mean she is always making fun of me and when I txt her she txt back...I have liked her for a bit now but i realy never talked to her...until like a couple of weeks ago...I don't know I'm going to keep talking to her and see where it goes... oh yeah this song is defently in my head cause it reminds me of her...but i think she has never heard oasis...that is gay...Oasis is hella awesome...
This week my best friend's dad died and that hella sucks...like it reminds me of my grandma dieing and I cry cause I miss my grandma but seeing my friend in pain breaks my heart in ways i can"t really explain...its not fare people should not die half way trough their lives...I was talking to Sindy and she is working in a community in south africa were there is kids with aids and that too is not fare...kids die at age 5 with aids...and they have never had sex....I don't understand sometimes why God allows us to feel pain and sorrow...
later blog...
sorry I said i was going to erease you last time...its cause someone read it...
I ereased hella blogs cause I did not want to read them anymore...
I left the first one up...
...
So I've had this song stuck in my head for like a week now
its "songbird" by oasis
"...three, four
Talkin to the songbird yesterday
Flew me to a place not far away
She's a little pilot in my mind
Singin songs of love to pass the time
Gonna write a song so she can see
Give her all the love she gives to me
Talk of better days that have yet to come
Never felt this love from anyone
She's not anyone
She's not anyone
She's not anyone
A man can never dream these kind of things
Especially when she came and spread her wings
Whisper in my ear the things I'd like
Then she flew away into the night
Gonna write a song so she can see
Give her all the love she gives to me
Talk of better days that have yet to come
Never felt this love from anyone..."
So I kinda like girl but it's funny I don't know if she likes me...I mean she is always making fun of me and when I txt her she txt back...I have liked her for a bit now but i realy never talked to her...until like a couple of weeks ago...I don't know I'm going to keep talking to her and see where it goes... oh yeah this song is defently in my head cause it reminds me of her...but i think she has never heard oasis...that is gay...Oasis is hella awesome...
This week my best friend's dad died and that hella sucks...like it reminds me of my grandma dieing and I cry cause I miss my grandma but seeing my friend in pain breaks my heart in ways i can"t really explain...its not fare people should not die half way trough their lives...I was talking to Sindy and she is working in a community in south africa were there is kids with aids and that too is not fare...kids die at age 5 with aids...and they have never had sex....I don't understand sometimes why God allows us to feel pain and sorrow...
later blog...
sorry I said i was going to erease you last time...its cause someone read it...
Sunday, January 24, 2010
post #002 ( the one where i talk about
F!@# robots...
I'm just kidding they can be cool i guess...
so I want to talk about something...
i don't really know what it is yet...
oh yeah puppies... Diana wants to get one...yeah that is not what i want to talk about...
I saw a hot girl today I said hey she said I like your eyes...and yeah that is it...
Sindy is in south africa now...that's cool
...
...
ok i'll post next time with something good
right on
I'm just kidding they can be cool i guess...
so I want to talk about something...
i don't really know what it is yet...
oh yeah puppies... Diana wants to get one...yeah that is not what i want to talk about...
I saw a hot girl today I said hey she said I like your eyes...and yeah that is it...
Sindy is in south africa now...that's cool
...
...
ok i'll post next time with something good
right on
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